Wednesday, February 6, 2013

So so sad and broken hearted...

"Let thy Cry come near before thee, O Lord: give me understanding according to thy word" - Psalms 119:169


I feel very numb at the moment...I have gone through so many emotions in the past few hours and wonder why and can only ask for Heavenly Father to help me understand what has just happened...

There are no words to explain what our family is going through as well as our extended family.  PLEASE PLEASE Pray for us...Pray for Emerson....we miss him so dearly already...Jules revoked her relinquishment yesterday afternoon after 4 weeks and LDS Family Services came for Emerson and brought him back to California...


Jules is set to place him with a cousin now...A wonderful cousin who is pro adoption and has even adopted and  even congratulated us about our adoption from this blog...My heart is broken...

I PRAY for these cousins to seek confirmation and to pray to pray fervently about this ....
PRAY for Emerson to be surrounded by guardian Angels..I swear he see's them all the time...

PRAY for Jules to REMEMBER why she chose us and the Spiritual experience she had at the Temple and the confirmation she received....

We love Emerson so much and I have never felt pain like this ever in my life...I feel like I have been forced to give my child away, I never made any choices to create this feeling and we did everything right...the only feeling that I can compare to this would be the death of a child...I am a mess...James and I have gone through so much in our quest to grow our family and are at a loss...Abbe is unbelievably heartbroken...Her little brother was taken away, and I have never heard her cry like she has...why would someone do this...please Heavenly Father help me to feel peace and comfort even if I can not understand ones reasoning...

We love you Emerson...It is so hard that you are not here...your sweet spirit..your little lambie grunts, your beautiful blue eyes and baby smell...We long for you to be with us again...


"Lead me in thy truth, and teach me;for thou art the God of my Salvation; on thee do I wait all day." - Psalms 25:5



"Remember , O Lord thy Tender Mercies and thy lovingkindness; for they have been ever of old" - Psalms 25:6



19 comments:

Brittnee said...

My heart is breaking for you. Prayers coming your way. So so hard

Amy said...

I am grieving with you. This is a nightmare and my heart is just broken for your sweet family.

Anonymous said...

No words I say will help you feel better right now. My heart aches for all of you. Praying always!

-Destiny

Anonymous said...

Tears are running down my face. my heart hurts for you so bad. I pray that the Lord would have his way over the situation. Im so sorry .I pray that little Emerson will return soon & mend your broken hearts. In Jesus name Amen Love Crystal Estrada

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journey said...

I thought she was revoking so she could parent him herself... not to place him with someone else. I am stunned. What a nightmare, I am so unbelievably sorry for your heartache!

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for you and your family my wife was going to donate to you until we got the news we pray for you guys to get past this i just can't imagine the pain you must feel it truly breaks my heart that this had happened we are here for you guys the naccarato family

Brinn said...

I am so deeply sorry. We have felt a very small glimpse of this pain this week as our own birthmother was questioning her placement and almost revoked. I am so so sorry and pray for your comfort and peace. Your whole family is in our prayers.

Marissa said...

I truly have no words.....I hurt for you. All I can say is that we are praying for you guys.

Marissa said...

I truly have no words. My heart is just breaking for you. We are praying.

Jeanne Boulware said...

There are no words. It just seems so wrong, not how it should be. All I can do is share my love for you, I pray for you. I wish I could bring him back to you, I'm sorry.

Rich, Shelly, and London said...

So so heartbreaking... Thinking of you guys. You have been through so much already! I can't even imagine. Praying!

Rich, Shelly, and London said...

So so heartbreaking!! Thinking of your family! I can't even imagine the pain you guys feel. You have been through so much already, it just doesn't seem fair. :( Praying!

Anonymous said...

I CAN'T imagine the true pain and loss you feel. I have never met you and your sweet family but you TRULY have touched my heart; with the way you are thinking of everyone involved. What an example!! I too am praying for you and yours. Hugs, Kate

brian and amanda said...

noo!!! oh my gosh, this is terrible! i am with brittany, i thought you were going to say she revoked to parent herself.

i am so sorry! we are praying for you all!!

Anonymous said...

I broke down reading this. I was a foster parent for years. We got our oldest son when he was 19 days old (we already had our daughter by birth who was almost 2 and were pregnant with our 2nd daughter) I was in love with him instantly! We knew he was meant for us. But the whole process of waiting was torture. One day right before thanksgiving the agency called and said I needed to come in right away to speak to our social worker and a supervisor. I explained I was vomiting with the flu and and our oldest daughter was sick throwing up as well. My husband was at work. They insisted I come right away! I panicked!! I thought there may have been a family member found that wanted my baby! I was sobbing. I have never been so sacred in my life! When I got there they said surprise we got you a turkey basket for thanksgiving! I do not curse and let me tell you I screamed profanities at the entire office! How could they not see what that call made me think! They called and apologized and when we were feeling better came to the house and said how sorry they were. I can not imagine if my fears came true! I am so so so sorry for your loss! I can't even begin to know how you heal from this. I am a very firm believer that Gods plan is always greater then our own. He is in control. You may not know why but he will reveal it to you in time. Keep your heart open! There will be a baby meant to be with you! I now have two beautiful boys. My sons birthmother (who we do not know, due to being foster parents and her incarceration) had our second son and we got the call 5 years ago. We now have a complete family of 4 children. God will give you your beautiful family. I know he will. I will keep you in my prayers! Trust in our Heavenly Father sweetie, he will guide you through this time. Again I am so so sorry for your loss!

Anonymous said...

I'm an adoptive mother, too. What sadness. I am so sorry, especially for Abbe. I have been jealous of parents who bring their babies home and never have to consider in those early months whether someone will take their child away. During those months of waiting until finialization, every kiss I gave my children felt guarded and I embraced each moment as its possible last. I don't think others can understand the experience of adoption. And to realize those fears after giving your heart away must be so crushing. I hope and pray this family is truly seeking the Lord's will for Emerson, and not a selfish purpose. What a sweet blessing to have been his mother and have given him his first lessons of love in his life. I hope it turns out for the best.

Julie said...

He will always be an important part of our family and I will be one of his grandmas forever. I love you Emerson!

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for you. I am matched with a bm currently - she is due in 2.5 months. Every day I am afraid she will change her mind. I am so sorry this happened to you. But I truly believe that if it were meant to be, it will be - and that your son is out there somewhere for you. There is another bm out there looking for your help and you will have your son eventually. Sending lots of love and prayers your direction!

Chenoa Alamu said...

Hi Little Family,

My heart is so sad with you and for you. I too have been in "crisis of faith" as I like to call them, and all I can say is God IS HOPE. I can't promise he will give Emerson back to you, but I can promise that God IS HOPE and He would NEVER leave you nor forsake you! I KNOW it's difficult to understand but please try to hold on to God's word and promises. Read The Psalms. David has felt forsaken by God numerous times. Even Christ himself felt forsaken by God. So you're in good company. Your feelings are NOT sinful or to be taken lightly. God IS WITH YOU! God IS FOR YOU. His LOVE is STILL WITH YOU. He Promises that NOTHING shall separate YOU (The Littles) from the LOVE OF GOD. I hope I don't sound too preachy. I just know how you feel. Praying for you! Praying for you HARD!

What's mine is yours...

Amazing Birth-mother video of her placement....

Such a Time as this...