I came across this article today titled "The Bible and the Pain of infertility" by Kimberly and Philip Monroe. It is really good to hear what others have to say that have been there...Sometimes I am not sure if it is enlightenment or self-torture to read all the baby and adoption blogs that I do. I have been having a hard time with everything lately in our quest to have children. Sometimes I don't update our blog as much as others in fear of putting to much out there.
James and I have been going through some further fertility testing because we have not had anything happen still and have thought that maybe there was something wrong that they didn't catch before. The results have been more upsetting than assuring. Both of us have absolutely nothing wrong that they can detect. Supposedly everything is 100% in working order. While I may seem insensitive to those that have diagnosis' of something that makes them incapable of becoming pregnant or something that makes them have to have IVF I certainly don't mean to be, because I truly do feel their pain in many ways and never would want to compare my struggle to theirs. They are both so hard.
It's like when we heard the results I just wanted to hear "yes this is the problem and this is how we are going to tackle it". I know it is wrong to feel that but I did when instead we heard "there is no reason you shouldn't be able to conceive". My first thought was "well then what is the deal here it's been almost 5 years!" Then the Dr. went through our options of what we should do. We decided to do a round of IUI.
During those 2 weeks that we waited to find out the results we were contacted by an agency looking to place and by a wonderful couple that were needing to place their 2 sweet grandsons. The agency was looking for LDS couples to place with but wanted us to use them but the birthmother had't even seen our profile yet. So that was a no go. The couple looking to place were admirable to say the least. How amazing that they are willing to sacrifice in order to ensure there 2 little grandchildren were raised in a strong LDS home. We just were not sure if this was the right fit for us but I pray that they will find the right family for them.
Well after all of that we found out that the IUI failed. The Dr. was very hopeful but still nothing...this is has been really hard to handle. Church that day was even harder. I serve as Primary Secretary for a giant primary (191 children the last we counted)and had to be there even though it was hard for me to go and then the talks were about Parenting...needless to say I didn't make it through...Luckily, I had an amazing sister cover for me. She was just what I needed because I didn't know how I was going to make it that day. It's hard to talk about infertility with friends...It's definitely one of those topics that no one can get unless they have been there. I would never wish it upon anyone. I am not sure why we have to have this struggle but I am really glad that I have the Gospel because I am not sure how I would deal if I didn't.
Anyways, here is that article: