Moving forward...

I sit here thinking a lot has happened since Friday...I mean as in progress for me and our grief over our failed placement reversal...those are tough words to say...I am not sure why we had to experience this exactly but know that I have learned a lot...I feel way more compassion and understanding for others...I feel more love and closer to the Lord...I am thankful for that

Today, I had to go to LDS Family Services and pick up our car seat and diaper bag....it had been sitting there for two weeks...They needed it to bring Emerson Back to california and til today I couldn't even bring myself to get it...It made it more real that we don't have a baby but I did ok...I do feel ok with moving forward to find our other babies...On Friday our Itsaboutlove profile went live again and we are now officially up and running on Parent Profiles.

Everyday, I am able to do a little bit more and even though it hurts, I still love the thought of our next baby coming to us...the baby that will be with us always...it still stings to think of Emerson not being with us but I know God uses all things/experiences to work for our good and I am thankful for the family he is with and our connection to them...

Sometimes I feel like I hope our next baby is a girl just so I don't feel pain of what just occurred by having a girl but I know that won't  necessarily make the pain go away any better than having a boy...that pain part will just take time...

In the adoption world it is really easy to say you want one sex over the other...you don't get to choose the sex when you are pregnant so why should we choose the sex when we are adopting...we know that whether our next baby is a boy or girl we will love them the same and soooo much...that part I can't wait for...the part where you can just love them up, look at them, and hold them...

I am so thankful for all of our friends that are trying so hard to help us get the word out by passing our blog, liking our Facebook page, and with pass-a-long cards!  We know that our birth mom and baby are out there...she may even be reading this now...we know that our blog has been seen by many now and has even been passed to some birth moms...

So for now we sit and wait again...I will say that those that know me really well will know I don't like waiting at all...patience I think you are sometimes born with (those people are really blessed with that gift) or it is something you have to learn over and over and over (like for me) but I know that the Lord always does everything in the right time and that thankfully gives me more strength to endure the wait...