Sunday, May 26, 2013

An Audri style Blessing...

SO tonight, I was helping Abbe clean her room and we ended up talking about the Gospel and as she calls "rules" that the church has...I had reminded her that those aren't the church's rules those are Heavenly Father's standards to help us receive all the blessings he wants to give us...Then it got me to thinking with her (all on a conversational note with her) that "IF" James and I hadn't made the choices we have made to follow HIS standards we would NEVER have Audri in our home and with our family right now...How is that for heavy?...

What an amazing way to teach Abbe how one choice of say grabbing a coffee, not paying our tithing, not choosing to being baptized, not choosing to get married in the Temple, or not following thru on our Temple covenants could have kept Audri from making it to our family!  Cuh-RAzy if you really think about it... Everything is interconnected...all of it!

I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me. 
Proverbs 8:17

What a huge unbelievable, unimaginable, never would have ever guessed in a million years BLESSING that has come to our family thru our Obedience to Heavenly Father!  Do you want to know what the biggest deciding factor for Audri coming to "our Family" was for her birth family?  That we were a faithful, Temple worthy, LDS family for her.  One that can guide her and give her the opportunity of growing up in the Gospel!

Often, when we go about our everyday lives so many of our choices seem insignificant to our day or to our lives as a whole, especially when we are not thinking eternally...We often think "how is not having a glass of wine going to effect anyone else but me in my worthiness" or "what is the big deal if I NEVER read the Book of Mormon and know for sure if it is true or not?" But this is the thing, Heavenly Father has such immense Blessings waiting for us and we are so small minded in our thinking that we can not even conceive of what he wants for us!

Now therefore hearken unto me, O ye children: for Blessed are they that keep my ways.  Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not. Blessed is the man that hearth me, watching at the posts of my doors.  For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favor of the Lord.  
Proverbs 8:31-35

I am so thankful for this epiphany that Heavenly Father gave me tonight...To be able to SEE what we can not SEE normally...To SEE what He and only He has done for us...To SEE how we must, must Trust...To SEE that we must Follow...To SEE that He is the Master Planner, and To SEE that I don't want to EVER EVER miss out on an Audri style Blessing..who would!  I will stay obedient and follow because He sooooo knows what He is doing.  It makes me wonder what other Audri style Blessings are out there waiting for me...Seriously, OUR God is so sooo Good!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Lord is so Good...To Him we give ALL the Glory!!!


Well, I figured it was about time to write on my blog again since I haven't since little Miss Audri (that is what we have named her with the help of her birthmother) arrived into our home...She truly is a "Princess of the Lord" as her middle name SARIAH means.  She is absolutely beautiful and I am so thankful for the Lord's tender mercies in all the events surrounding her placement with us.  The Lord was preparing us for her and her birth family for us.

I was speaking to my best girlfriend today and she asked me how it all felt to have her especially in light of the struggles we have had to endure to get to this point and all I could say is that this was all the Lord's work...He is truly in control of it all and everything we do in this life is for Him and His purpose.

Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. 
Proverbs 16:3

The past few months have been some of the most rewarding and darkest moments of our Life...But thru all the hardship and struggle we had to endure after Emerson's placement disruption we could have easily chosen to turn away from the Lord and try to deal with it within "our own understanding" and not progressed to be what He wanted us to be, but instead we CHOSE to stay close to the rely on Him, to Love Him, to seek Him, to cry to Him and to truly get to know Him more than we ever thought we could...In many ways I am so thankful for this struggle (I am not saying I would have chosen it and still it sometimes hurts to think about).  It pushed us to dig deeper and feel more and look at others as He does.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him; He shall direct thy paths.  
Proverbs 3:5-6

I haven't shared Audri's placement story yet (not sure how I plan to share it on here due to wanting to keep Audri's birthmothers privacy) but the same day that we found out that Audri's sweet birthmother wanted us to be Audri's family, it was the same day Emerson's adoption placement finalized!  Talk about amazing...that morning I saw a picture of Emerson's family commemorating it and all I could feel was JOY...I felt no pain at all...none...The Lord is so good to have always given me peace in this way...  I was so incredibly happy he was in their family now forever.  He is loved, adored and most importantly has the Gospel... His adoptive mother and I have a really special connection, one I can not explain and I love her dearly for all she does for him.

I had seen their finalization picture on Facebook when I thought that Audri was just going to be with us temporarily to foster...her birth-mother had to choose a family still and I was't sure if that was going to be us or not, but I remember thinking how grateful I was to the Lord that He would even trust us a few days with His precious daughter and How beautiful He was for this.  Of course, you can only imagine my joy when I showed up to LDS Family Services around noon and they told me that Audri's birthmother had chosen us!  All I could think was Thank you Lord for trusting us and I realized that for the first time in my life I truly gave ALL CONTROL to Him and He Blessed me more than I could have ever imagined.

Every word of God is pure; he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. 
Proverbs 30:5

Today, while I was taking care of Audri I watched the movie This is Our Time and in it they were dealing with grief.  It spoke of the fact that often times pain helps us to become who the Lord needs us to be at this very moment.  Meaning, if we hadn't endured this 7 year struggle of infertility, an adoption scam, a failed placement, and Emerson's placement reversal...we wouldn't be the people He needs us to be right now for Audri, Abbe, Audri's birthmother, for each other, and most importantly for Him. He truly has used us to touch other people's lives thru this struggle and to Him we give ALL the glory of this precious gift...  

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


Yesterday, we got a call that a sweet baby girl had been born and LDS Family was needing a possible temporary foster home and today we found out when we went to get this sweet baby that her selfless beautiful birthmother was wanting to choose us as a family for her!  She was born on Monday...

Her birthmother is so selfless and we are so beyond grateful for this little sweet spirit.  James is in Hawaii working so he hasn't gotten to meet her "officially" yet but he at least has gotten to FaceTime with us...she is Absolutely BEAUTIFUL and the sweetest thing...

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Why did she choose Adoption?

I posted this on the LDS Adoption Connection blog the other day (I write and help admin the blog) but I couldn't help but think that their may be a girl that could be considering placing her baby for adoption that might end up seeing our blog and I didn't want them to miss out on hearing Tamra's story...It is raw and real but if it were me considering placing a baby for adoption this is what I would want to fluff...just real stuff...

She said "I've seen people tell me after the fact, "Had I known the information, had I heard your story, I would have placed my child [for adoption] and they would have had a better life." I've had people who have had abortions tell me "Had I had accurate and current information, had I heard your story, I would have made a different choice." 

"God was using me to find his family. On this mortal side of things it looks like I shared him with them, but in reality they shared him with me. And the reason is because I needed him too. God got 2 birds with 1 stone: Justin had to go home, but he saved my life on the way." -Tamra

**BTW if you need to mute the playlist on my blog it's located all the way on the bottom of the right side of it:)

Friday, March 29, 2013

The Ant of Adoption...

Sometimes I feel like this Ant...

I mean as look at this picture it looks like this ant is workin hard, really hard, who knows how long he has been working to push that drop of water and alone...I feel like this Ant in relation to the waiting game when it comes to us growing our family...I seriously feel like the slowest ones on the block at times, like I just can't seem to get to where I want fast enough since its been almost 7 yrs (since we got married) of us wanting to have children and just when we think we are growing or have grown it all changes in a blink of an eye and we are back to square one with no growth...waiting is HARD...I wish it was different and this was easier or maybe that I was just way more patient...The Lord definitely knows I have acquired way more in the patience department...he has refined me ALOT in that

But even though this is hard, I understand that He is preparing us to be who He needs us to be with this struggle and that He does have perfect timing in all things even if I say sometimes I wish his timeline was like I think of the fact that He is caring for the sweet little spirits that will one day pitter patter around our house...the same sweet spirits that will make it messy (can u believe that I actually look forward to that), the sweet spirits that will have lots of hugs and kisses to give, the sweet little spirits that may/ most likely pull on little Paris' tail (our dog) and may even do fashion shows with her as Abbe has, the sweet little spirits that we will share our world with, the sweet spirits that Abbe will snuggle and read with, the sweet little spirits that we will cherish forever, I totally feel better and ok with His timing.

Now, as I write this and I look at this Ant, I think of what I can not see in it...Maybe the Ant is almost there where ever there is,  maybe he has worked so hard and is about to get to his family or just dump this water drop on his ant seriously the important part is how we look at it, as a inspiration to not give up, to not doubt, to keep going, to hold on, to trust, and to push thru til we reach the destination we are called to reach...

No one ever said it was going to be easy but it will be worth it...

What's mine is yours...

Amazing Birth-mother video of her placement....

Such a Time as this...