Sometimes you got to lose til you win...

Today when I was getting ready for the day I was listening to the playlist on this blog...I listen to it a lot...and every time I listen, it's like each song is talking to me..hence a lot of the song choices I have on there mean a lot to me...

(P.S. you may want to pause the playlist by scrolling to the bottom of the blog so that you may watch the videos if it is playing already)

I was listening to the song "Little Miss" by Sugarland and I feel like the little miss who they are talking about...I know in my past when I have gone through struggles and disappointments I have just hidden my head in the sand and stuffed things down...I was a master of distraction...I always have been...I would just work more because there was always plenty to do but now I don't work and am forced to deal with my emotions...In the song a big part of the chorus speaks of it being alright and sometimes you got to lose til you win...I know this to be true.  When we lose and get back up it makes us stronger and we often find things that we would have never looked for. The only failures in life are those that aren't willing to risk feeling hurt and failing again in order to get what they really want. The risk takers always eventually succeed...

After that song, the song "Because You Loved me" by Celine Dion came on and as I listened to the words in this song I instantly thought of James and how I feel like he has taken such amazing care of me...every part of this song made me think of him...It made me think of the Savior too. Yes, I know its' Celine Dion and it's a kinda mushy song, well really mushy song but the words are what matter...

James has been like the Savior for me too in this and without him I don't know how I could have managed recently...I know this song talks in past tense but I have felt as if He has been everything I have needed and I know Heavenly Father has chosen him for me...Sometimes people may not see all that I see or what our extended family see's him do for me and our immediate family.  This failed placement has not just crushed me its been extremely painful for him as well...He has been the one that had to speak to others when I couldn't, even when his pain was just as real as mine...Men are often expected to be the tough strong ones and he has such incredible strength...strength that until now I have never seen to this extent...I love him so much and just when I think I am full somehow how I love him more.

James is working in Vegas this week and this morning he sent me this video below on Facebook to me. He knows how I feel and what I need...I am so eternally grateful that my husband is faithful and Believes.  I am thankful he loves me and Abbe so...I am thankful he will be the father to all my children to come and is the man he is...I am thankful for his strength for me.  I know that even though we have felt incredible loss with this I still do feel as though I have won in a way for what i have learned and seen...For this I am grateful.