Have you ever felt like the world was crashing around you...like you don't know how you are going to make it? Have you ever felt like NO one has a clue what you are going through inside but are trying to seem like you have got it together...Well, this woman felt like that...At her lowest point she was moved beyond measure...I Challenge you to try to make it through this and not tear up!...
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Just for Thought...
I just loved this verse someone posted on their blog...I read it this morning and how true is it...when we are weak HE is the only one that can make us truly strong...
Ether 12:27:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them theiraweakness. I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that dhumblethemselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Getting the word out... that we want to adopt!
Well we have had a busy few weeks since we decided to get ourselves re-certified for adoption...the good news is that it sounds that it may go WAY faster than we anticipated and many parts are able to be pulled up off our past information! I have been busy updating all of our paperwork...but as of this coming Monday all will be done on our end for it and then we get a visit from our caseworker to finish up our home study and we wait for the state to approve!!! This has been going way faster than last time, that is for sure...but maybe it's because we have been around the block before....lol
Last night, I met up with an adoption group that I had been part of last year. Many of the girls that were in this adoptive group before have been placed with and have moved away with exception to one I knew before...It was fun to get out and be able to talk about everything that has gone on since and I got to meet a bunch of new women I had never met...some placed with and some that just literally got certified. What I did realize after last night was that I needed to get new pass-a-long cards! I was thinking I would wait to have these made again until we got certified again so we could have our parent profile link on it, but after last night I realized that was just stupid! I mean seriously a birth-mom can still pick us before we are fully certified (they just have to designate that they choose us with LDS Family Services) and someone could know of a situation and if people don't know they won't know to tell them we are looking to adopt. So with that I created and ordered some today...Here is a sneak peak but I wish I could show the back to you too since it will have some picts on it too...oh well...lol
This past weekend we got to have a fun adventure with my family and were in Tucson for the Weekend. My Uncle was receiving an award and we got to visit with everyone including my sister Mandi who lives in St. Louis now and a bunch of my family that also lives there. It was absolutely gorgeous with the weather...none of us were complaining that is for sure!
We even got to get dressed up!
This week James and I went shooting....He usually goes without me since he likes to go hunt and that is way to early in the morning for this night owl and I am not the most fun person when I have to sit and just wait and be quiet and do nothing but look in the desert for a possible animal, but this time we had an old TV and a bunch of junk that he had set aside to shoot in the desert. It was a lot of fun!
Lastly, this week we had some Christmas fun with Abbe...We got some gingerbread houses and decorated them! Abbe of course picked the one I had to assemble (a train one)...go figure...lol...after we joked about how James made the biggest mess in the end...he is usually teases Abbe and I to be careful and then he is the one that makes the mess.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Back in the Saddle....
Yes...You guessed right. If I am writing on this blog well then something must be happening or going on with us re: adoption. We have decided that we are ready again...Ready that is to get back in the saddle so to say. We have been absent from the adoption world for some time since our failed placement in the summer of 2011.
Truth be told that was way harder on me/us than I realized and I had to work through some of it by taking a break. I tried so hard after to be ok and move on quickly but it was all just getting sooo hard to bare...especially when during your pain you see almost ALL your adoption friends be placed with, some had even adopted again, and then everyone you know becoming pregnant again...I needed a break. I did what I do best... I ran away...lol...I had to distract myself and forget about it for a while...I needed time to heal and gain myself back...
By no means has this time away from the adoption world meant for one second we didn't want to have children...it just meant we needed to distract ourselves, I guess you could say. It's like you are constantly trying to fill a void anyway you can...trying all things...you name it I probably thought of it... but the truth is...that the void that you so desperately want to fill can only be filled one way and unfortunately you have zero control. Zero control and two Ruby personalities!...lol...(unless you've been to FSTS with www.danijohnson.com you won't know what a Ruby is but don't worry you can always go and find out...)
The thing is, is that no one can understand how it feels unless "you know how it feels" to go through these types of extreme emotional ups and downs and then more ups and downs. Last Fall, after the dust settled from our grief we had come to the conclusion that we would just do IVF this fall and not have to deal with the heartbreak that came through adoption...but then something in me kept saying uh uh... the same feeling has always been saying NO uh uh! That's right...no. I can't explain it... In-vitro is not how our children are supposed to come to us.
"Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite."
Psalms 147:5
So we are back to where we were just two years ago... those of you that already know me know that I am not pregnant obviously nor have I ever been able to get pregnant since I had Abbe almost 12 years ago...God is choosing to have us wait still...to search and to rely on Him to help us...In this year I have learned to rely on Him alot more...to seek Him for understanding...He is the only one that can bring our children to us...He is who brings children to childless...He is who makes barren women conceive (btw no women in the bible stay barren forever, I have read all re: this topic and reread many times) and He is the one that brings His children to their Homes here...He does all of it...He is who I am laying all of my trust in...not in ivf, not in my own ability or control but in Him...
"Every word of God is Pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him"
Proverbs 30:5
So here we are again at square one....we have to do everything over again. What do I mean by that? Well, we have to start from scratch and get Certified to Adopt again. Our state certification was up for renewal this past February and at that point we were not in a place emotionally to go through the process of updating it so we didn't. In retrospct maybe that wasn't the best choice since that would have been alot easier in re: to paperwork. So that means we begin again...This time I feel with more understanding of His will...This time with more resources to help us...This time knowing way way more people to help us spread the word so that a birth mom knows we are wanting to adopt (hint hint friends and lookie lou's)...This time knowing how to take action on our Faith...And most importantly, This time until we have our family.
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