Friday, August 19, 2011

I just was looking at some of my friends blogs and one of them had posted this...I had found it on you tube a while back, but it's so good that I wanted to re-post it...our adoption agency is and this strong woman placed though them...

Monday, August 8, 2011

Attracting what I want....

I will have to say that even though our placement had failed in July I have still felt incredibly "Nesty" ...this is what my mom has said to me a couple times...I have to admit I feel like I have to get it done and now...Let me explain...All this summer when we thought we were going to be placed with, I was in Kansas City...away from home so I could never even start our baby's room...I had planned to do that this month...But then when we learned that our placement had turned into a failed placement I didn't have to endure the feelings that our nursery was missing that baby...I hope I am making sense...I mean when I think of the baby K was carrying I think of a baby named Axton (this was the name we chose for him) and he did not have a nursery yet so I don't have any feelings of sadness when I go into the room that we have planned for a baby to be in. I truly feel that the Lord planned it that way for me so that I wouldn't have any thoughts of a failed placement or furniture that was meant for him.

I have felt excited about this room and I have felt that their is an amazing girl out there right now that may even be reading this and that is carrying a baby and that this will be their baby's room...I know if I was her I would want to know that the family I was choosing was prepared for a baby...that this family couldn't wait to love and cherish them and that they thought of all the special details for their room and that they wanted it to be just perfect for them.

I am also a big believer in that we attract what we truly want in our lives and I have to make that room be what it is supposed to be...our baby's room...Abbe's sister's room or Abbe's brother's room...Then they will come...We just have to find them, by finding the wonderful woman who is caring for them... She will be one amazing strong, selfless, persevering woman...and I can not wait to meet her. 

I also have to say that when James and I were looking for cribs this summer I was really conflicted about which one...James had said well whatever crib we buy we aren't going to buy a different one later if we have a girl since we were supposed to be adopting a boy...for me this was soooo hard...I didn't want a boy crib for a girl later but I didn't want a boy in a girl crib...uhg...I am very picky and we had decided on a crib but were going to order it in August...I have to be honest I felt like I settled a bit and now I look back and I am thankful that we never ordered it because just this past week I found the MOST BEAUTIFUL crib ever!  A Corsican crib! They are heirloom cribs and people spend a fortune on them.  A lady on Craigslist was selling it and it is absolutely EXACTLY what I would want and perfect for a girl or boy and better yet I got it for an absolute steal and it looks new!  Full price these cribs are just insane!...  I still can't believe what I only had to pay for it for but I know I was supposed to find it and that all of my future babies are supposed to be in it...

I will for sure post picts as soon as I have it assembled in our house and with bedding that I like.  These picts are of it when it was in the lady's house that I bought it from...Of course I will be having a totally different looking room and way different bedding but at least you get to see the crib...At the top of the post are finials which I am going to order different ones than it has so they aren't pictured...This crib had custom ordered airplane finials since it normally has stars but if its a girl I think I want a girly finial...if you want to see the options just google Corsican finials and they are on their site and they can come in any finish.

Again, you must remember the room I set up will be wayyy cuter and this is just to look at the crib only...nothing will be hanging off of it like in the

Thursday, August 4, 2011


So I have posted this story a long time ago but I was reading my friend Elise's blog and came across it again (that is where I read it a long time ago) and it made me feel like I was supposed to re-post it...The story is so true in so many ways and I know that when our cake comes it will be perfect in every way.  This story so reminds me that all great things are worth the wait! -Deanna


"Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn't be anything better!

The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don't even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant's marvellous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, "Hey that sounds perfect. I'll have chocolate cake too please." The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband's hand and sigh "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn't. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter! Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You're even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don't know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, "Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too."

Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, "Ahhh, here he is." You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn't notice, he's busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

You ask the waiter, "Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered"? The waiter just replies, "The baker has said that you must wait." He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can't get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, "Where is our dessert?" You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, "Even without chocolate cake, life is still good."

Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It's getting late and people are noticing you haven't received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don't know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. "Why" is all you have to lean upon.

You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, "Should I order cherry pie too"? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, "I'm sorry ma'am, you just need to be patient and wait."

You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, "Where is my chocolate cake?" You don't though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. "It will make me fat" one says. "Ugh. I have enough already" another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter...and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can't hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. "We knew it would happen" they say. "You just needed to relax"! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It's such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. "Something is wrong" he says. "Don't worry my dear, the time is soon."

There's confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don't know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and too ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

He looks at you and smiles..."Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one." You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breathe. That's all you can do. You breathe and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

After quite a few dances, you both decide it's time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it's manageable. Time moves on.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband's dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you're afraid too. You ask the waiter, "Will you take it away"? "No, this one was made especially for you." You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it's not a dessert you have ever seen before. It's then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. "How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted"? The waiter just smiles and says, "Because he knows and loves you. If you look, you can see him there."

You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can't hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big "Thank You" and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It's then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way... the waiting, the crying, the's all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

You grab your husband's hand and sigh again, "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

What's mine is yours...

Amazing Birth-mother video of her placement....

Such a Time as this...