BIG News!!!

Ok, so some of you may be wondering why I have been so quiet on our blog here...especially since I have still been updating and writing on The LDS Adoption Connection blog...Well I had good reason for it because we have been communicating with a birth-mom!  We will just call her K for now, but after much talking she HAS CHOSEN US to be her baby's family!  I can't believe I am even writing this...well I am...I didn't want to say anything prematurely, so I stayed quiet...I was really nervous due to what happened last November...K actually told us last Wednesday that she wanted us to be the family she places with but I wanted to be sure and needed to have time to absorb ya know...It's not everyday that this happens! 

She found us on Parent Profiles!  So everyone I know if you are trying to find your birth-mom...get on parent profiles!  And update ALL your fields...it matters!

K first contacted us last Monday night and its a funny thing because just that day I was at LDS Family dropping off some new updated birthletter flyers for them and was talking with them and asking is there anything you think I could do more...We have a blog, we have flyers, we have pass along cards, I write for LDS Adoption Connection, I have our blog connected to all my emails, we have a blog button, I am in a adoptive Mom group....is there anything else I can do...I was feeling a little discouraged because we had not been contacted by any birthmothers with exception to what had happened in November...I was having a little pity party in my mind for a bit, even though I knew we only needed ONE birthmother to find us...and we didn't want just any birth-mother...we wanted Our baby's birth-mother..

..And then that night I got this note from parent profiles "Hi, I am looking for a family to adopt my unborn child. Im still looking through families but I just wanted you to know that you are my favorite so far. :) "  Talk about a Tender Mercy from the Lord...I will say I immediately recognized this and thanked my Heavenly Father for this....I didn't know if she would pick us but I did know he helped her do this at that very moment....I will always be grateful for that.  

So here is a little bit more about K...She is due in the fall which couldn't be any more perfect with James' work schedule...Not many Father's get the opportunity be with their baby and spend months at home with them when they are first born...I am so excited for James and I to share this...Abbe is excited too and has been praying for K every night... K lives in South Carolina, she has a southern accent even when she writes and loves country music and mexican food like we do...she also is way funny and sarcastic, like us! We don't know the baby's sex yet but will know here very soon...I think it is more exciting not knowing and then getting to find out with her...She is truly an amazing woman, who I already feel so much love for...She is so strong and courageous, so selfless and most of all trusts in the Lord.  We are so thankful to her and grateful for her...I can not express that enough...

p.s.  the picture is for K...

Little Currant Bush...

I don't know if any of your were like me but I loved the talk that Elder D. Todd Christofferson gave at this April's General Conference entitled "As Many as I love, I rebuke and Chasten."  Now many of you may be thinking how does this have to do with Adoption already and I will get there...lol...In this talk he speaks about a farmer and a little Currant bush that was on the farmer's land and that the farmer had to prune down this bush because it wasn't reaching it's potential and then related it to chastening.  

He states:

Divine chastening has at least three purposes: (1) to persuade us to repent, (2) to refine and sanctify us, and (3) at times to redirect our course in life to what God knows is a better path.

When I heard this talk this year it totally hit me...I am that currant bush...There have been so many times that I have wondered "Why are you doing this Heavenly Father?"..."We are doing what we are supposed to do and just want to build our family"...(I am sure many of you can relate)...but then I realized (in an awe moment) that I am needing to be redirected to his plan...his plans are better than mine...even if they are hard for me to see or I feel like how can it be at times, they always are. 

He later goes on to state:

"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith."

... Their faith was immeasurably strengthened by their experience, and ever after they enjoyed a special bond with the Lord.

 The struggles of infertility are enough to try even the most patient people but the rewards that we will have from the struggle are like Elder Christofferson said "immeasurable."

He states:

God uses another form of chastening or correction to guide us to a future we do not or cannot now envision but which He knows is the better way for us.

Struggles bring us closer to Heavenly Father.  I know that this path of infertility and adoption  leads to special gifts that some others will never get to experience spiritually.   We are being refined and purified so that when we do receive these gifts we are ready and can appreciate them.  He wants us to reach our full potential and sometimes we must be cut down like the little currant bush in order to do so...

Compassion...and showing up...

So Last night I got to meet up with my girls...who are my girls you may ask?  Well they are a group of girls who are hoping to adopt and some have already adopted...there are 6 of us.  We have been meeting up since about September last year and have been meeting up pretty regularly since then. 

I just love these women so much...I don't know how to explain it but we really share such a special connection and last night we were talking alot about the Gospel and adoption and how this journey has helped all of us to be more compassionate. 

I just looked up the definition of compassion and here is what it said:

Compassion (from Latin: "co-suffering") is a virtue —one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnectedness and humanism —foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood.

This is exactly what we feel when we are with each other...all of us are at different stages in this process and in our lives but together we have so much to offer each other.  They all have helped me so much and all of us at one time or another was hesitant to come to our meet ups...Not because we didn't like the girls but because we were struggling in some way...but the funny thing is, is that we always go and then admit to the others how we felt and how we were so thankful we showed up.

I guess the hardest things in life sometimes is the "Showing Up" part. 

LDS Adoption Connection: Beautiful...this video is...

I had posted this video on  LDS Adoption Connection this week and I just love it so much I had to add it!

Prayer Trading in Adoption

So last night I came across a DVD that I had gotten at the Adoption Conference that James and I attended for our certification to Adopt. It was a copy of the FSA 2009 National Conference...What a little gem this has turned out to be for me...

The Key note speaker was Troy Dunn (The Locator)...His story and testimony of Adoption is pretty cool...His mother and his youngest brother were both adopted. What struck me the most is what his Mother always said to him and his siblings,

"She said, 'There is something that is called prayer trading, and we're going to trade prayers with somebody. Somewhere out there is a girl praying for a good family for her baby. We are going to pray for a good tummy with a baby in it, and we are going to answer each others' prayers.' "

She said that they were looking for someone to "Trade Prayers" with their family in their quest to find his brother Travis. He said now they always call it "Prayer Trading."

What a cool way to look at it! We as adoptive couples pray to have a child come to us, to have a birth-mother choose us and at the same time a birth-mother prays to find the right family for her baby and to have the courage to place her baby with that family. We pray for a baby to love and she prays for the baby to know that she loved them SO much that she placed them for adoption. It is truly is Trading Prayers...both prayers are answered...

IT IS... ok to feel...

Well, I was sitting here and thinking and realized I have had something change in me recently. All of a sudden I feel not afraid to put it out there...let me explain. When we first decided to adopt I was scared and embarrassed to talk about why we had decided to adopt...I don't mean we had any issues with the part of loving a child as our own that we adopted...I mean more of the part of having to talk about my feelings and with strangers, having to say that we have issues somehow in the reproducing department, especially when you are in a ward like mine which could be known as a baby factory..lol. I didn't want to have to tell anyone I was hurting or feel as if I was the one with the problem needing the ear.

Now you have to understand that I am the friend that is typically the "tough girl" emotionally. I love to talk and I love to tell it like it is...I have no problem sharing how I feel about someone or something and showing affection. But, when it comes to sharing my insecurities or a not so obvious problem with anyone...now that is really REALLY hard for me. It's even hard sometimes for me to tell my Mom when I feel sad unless it is obvious. I have always been the type of girl that ran as fast as I could away from having to think about something that is emotionally sad for me. I have been the master of distraction in this department. I have been through alot of difficult things emotionally and gotten thru with it being the tough girl. But with this I can't be. I have to think about it...If I avoid it I won't have what I want and my children may not get to me.

At first I was unsure how to talk about it or acted like I didn't really care about certain stuff (code for me not wanting to feel at the risk of feeling sad)and just felt like we will just do what we can and go on...but now I feel like, "why was I like that?" Maybe because I didn't feel I really belonged in the group with the other couples hoping to adopt or who had adopted since I had given birth to a baby before.

I felt like why would someone want to pick us to care for their baby if there are people who have never had a baby and I had? Even though James has never had the baby experience why would they want us since we have Abbe? (Abbe was 4 when James and I met) I felt bad for having felt what it was like to have a baby...I felt like I didn't deserve to be with these other women who some know why they hadn't conceived.

But, what I have realized is that all of us that are wanting to Adopt, all have worthy reasons. I have realized that IT IS ok to be sad that I can't for some reason conceive a child with James and that I wish more than anything that we could but know that is not Heavenly Father's plan right now. I have to remember that IT IS ok that I feel sad that when I think about when I had Abbe that not everything was perfect or ideal. That IT IS ok that I wish I could have been in a more prepared state when I had Abbe. That IT IS ok for me to feel sad at the thought that I would have savored every moment when I was pregnant with Abbe if I had known I may not ever have that again. IT IS ok that I feel sad that James is the absolute Love of my Life and I have not been able to experience this with him. IT IS ok for me to want this for us and for it to be hard emotionally. IT IS ok for me to talk about it.

I feel that Heavenly Father obviously knows why we are to go through this and why I have to work through these feelings and can't just run and hide under the covers. I know that this has made me stronger already...I do sometimes think I wish Heavenly Father would give us a break a bit...lol...if its not one struggle it's another. I wonder sometimes what His purpose is for me in all of this.

I wonder what will come...How will we look back on this in 5 years...I wonder what we will say about this time in our life. I guess if I look back at my life even 2 yrs ago it would have been hard/almost impossible for me to see how beautifully everything has fallen into place from then...back then we had some really hard trials emotionally and I know now without a doubt I am one strong woman to make it through that...there were days that it was so hard for me to see past tomorrow ...But I do know that I would have never gotten through if it weren't for Heavenly Father that I could turn to...A Heavenly Father who gave me a wonderful family...A wonderful Family who blessed me with the most wonderful husband that loves Abbe and me more than anything...

So as I ramble, I know that IT IS ok to do all that I can to help our birthmom to find us and us her and find our baby. I don't need to be embarrassed or feel weird about it...I should be proud that she is out there caring for our sweet little baby that will soon be here and that we want to find her. IT IS ok.

Pass a long cards!

I just received our pass along card proofs...I should have them next week! looking to adopt...Alot of people including some I know have had their birthmom find them because they had received a card like one of these from someone they knew that knew of the family. Including this couple's blog that I follow. Click Here to read their story!