Why did she choose Adoption?

I posted this on the LDS Adoption Connection blog the other day (I write and help admin the blog) but I couldn't help but think that their may be a girl that could be considering placing her baby for adoption that might end up seeing our blog and I didn't want them to miss out on hearing Tamra's story...It is raw and real but if it were me considering placing a baby for adoption this is what I would want to see...no fluff...just real stuff...

She said "I've seen people tell me after the fact, "Had I known the information, had I heard your story, I would have placed my child [for adoption] and they would have had a better life." I've had people who have had abortions tell me "Had I had accurate and current information, had I heard your story, I would have made a different choice." 

"God was using me to find his family. On this mortal side of things it looks like I shared him with them, but in reality they shared him with me. And the reason is because I needed him too. God got 2 birds with 1 stone: Justin had to go home, but he saved my life on the way." -Tamra

**BTW if you need to mute the playlist on my blog it's located all the way on the bottom of the right side of it:)

"Prayer"

I kept feeling like I was supposed to re-post this post from our personal private blog, so here it is...  I wrote these thoughts quite some time ago...  March 2,  2010 to be exact...right around the time that we first decided to look into adoption...  Isn't crazy how you can write something, have an experience with it and then go back and it is all new to you again like you never wrote it...lol...

As I looked up the video to this post (linked below) It felt so different to me...I instantly thought about our quest to grow our family and how I have prayed and prayed and prayed and how my prayers have grown but then when I read my words below they truly felt profound...I am truly grateful for the peace prayer has given me...

Prayer is the one thing that no matter how alone we may feel or how bad a situation may be that we always have access to...We may not always get the answers we want but we always feel comfort from the Lord...

"Miracle's are wrought through Prayer"

March 2, 2010

I just listened to this little Mormon message and President Thomas S. Monson spoke about prayer. It spoke about how prayer changes things and he said that "Miracle's are wrought through prayer." It is interesting that I just listened to this message because last week I was reading an old Ensign from 2007 and it was speaking about prayer and really hit home to me. It said how Prayer many times isn't about praying for everything that we want...it is about communicating with Heavenly Father so that we can be at peace and one with what he wants for us and then and only then are we able to ask for what he wants to Bless us with....The blessings are there we just have to align ourselves properly for it.

** to Pause the music on this blog scroll down and on right side you will see the playlist**

**I think this is the Ensign article I was referencing as well...**

My Baby, Not my child...

I just watched these videos a friend had posted on Facebook and they are nothing short of amazing and I just had to share...

The clips are from a woman who is now a birth-mother (a strong,selfless,inspiring birthmother!), how she ended up choosing adoption, why she chose adoption, and the process of thought that occurs for someone going through this...she had chronicled her pregnancy through photos which you will see with in...

**The videos all together are around 7 minutes so nothing to lengthy and if the playlist is already playing on this blog as you are reading you can pause it by scrolling to the bottom of the blog where it is located....

Sometimes you got to lose til you win...

Today when I was getting ready for the day I was listening to the playlist on this blog...I listen to it a lot...and every time I listen, it's like each song is talking to me..hence a lot of the song choices I have on there mean a lot to me...

(P.S. you may want to pause the playlist by scrolling to the bottom of the blog so that you may watch the videos if it is playing already)

I was listening to the song "Little Miss" by Sugarland and I feel like the little miss who they are talking about...I know in my past when I have gone through struggles and disappointments I have just hidden my head in the sand and stuffed things down...I was a master of distraction...I always have been...I would just work more because there was always plenty to do but now I don't work and am forced to deal with my emotions...In the song a big part of the chorus speaks of it being alright and sometimes you got to lose til you win...I know this to be true.  When we lose and get back up it makes us stronger and we often find things that we would have never looked for. The only failures in life are those that aren't willing to risk feeling hurt and failing again in order to get what they really want. The risk takers always eventually succeed...

After that song, the song "Because You Loved me" by Celine Dion came on and as I listened to the words in this song I instantly thought of James and how I feel like he has taken such amazing care of me...every part of this song made me think of him...It made me think of the Savior too. Yes, I know its' Celine Dion and it's a kinda mushy song, well really mushy song but the words are what matter...

James has been like the Savior for me too in this and without him I don't know how I could have managed recently...I know this song talks in past tense but I have felt as if He has been everything I have needed and I know Heavenly Father has chosen him for me...Sometimes people may not see all that I see or what our extended family see's him do for me and our immediate family.  This failed placement has not just crushed me its been extremely painful for him as well...He has been the one that had to speak to others when I couldn't, even when his pain was just as real as mine...Men are often expected to be the tough strong ones and he has such incredible strength...strength that until now I have never seen to this extent...I love him so much and just when I think I am full somehow how I love him more.

James is working in Vegas this week and this morning he sent me this video below on Facebook to me. He knows how I feel and what I need...I am so eternally grateful that my husband is faithful and Believes.  I am thankful he loves me and Abbe so...I am thankful he will be the father to all my children to come and is the man he is...I am thankful for his strength for me.  I know that even though we have felt incredible loss with this I still do feel as though I have won in a way for what i have learned and seen...For this I am grateful. 

Agape Love....

I just watched this video today for the first time and thought I would share...It's beautiful.

I also saw this poem where I found this video and there are no words except it is nothing short of amazing....

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears
One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
—- Unknown

What's mine is yours...

I heard this song a few weeks back but now it has so much more meaning...beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time since Emerson's placement did not exactly end as we had hoped for...Everyday is really hard but each day I feel stronger and it becomes more manageable...I know the Lord has a plan for all of this and He teaches us so much during our hardest trials...I am grateful for those Blessings even though I am so over having trials...




Below is a series of videos that tell the story that inspired the song to be written above...I have felt so many of the feelings that Addie decribes in these videos through out our journey to grow our family...for those that have never adopted, don't know much about it, don't know how to understand, don't know what to say to someone like me or are adopting these videos are really amazing...they are pretty short and worth the watch...

Such a Time as This....

I am so thankful for my friend Jonathan Mill's talent and this song...James and I just love his music...If you have never heard anything he sings you will want to get on iTunes after you see this video...God has truly blessed him to convey God's Love for us through the words he writes and sings...

Every time I have ever heard this song I have always felt the Spirit... Heavenly Father prepares us for all things...He always gives us what we need and sometimes what we want...but always what we need...He will never fail us...All He wants is for us to Trust in HIM and allow Him to guide our steps...I am so thankful that He is the one that is always holding my hand...

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6

I'm Holding you...

Have you ever felt like the world was crashing around you...like you don't know how you are going to make it? Have you ever felt like NO one has a clue what you are going through inside but are trying to seem like you have got it together...Well, this woman felt like that...At her lowest point she was moved beyond measure...I Challenge you to try to make it through this and not tear up!...

I just came across this video...it has got to be the most touching video regarding adoption and placement that I have ever seen.  It truly shows the selflessness and love that a birthmother has for her baby. Not to mention the unwavering strength to go through this sacrifice for her baby.

The Gift from Jared Fadel on Vimeo.